All children resist to obey, what could be more normal? However, it seems that some of them get on our nerves on purpose! They are always the first to oppose the slightest instruction. So, can we encourage the cooperation of the opposing child? Yes!
I’m Jessica Rousseau, a.k.a. MamanÉducatrucs, Family Coach and I’m giving you 4 basic tips to apply on a daily basis.
Causes : Is it their personality or education?
-
Some children have a natural tendency to want to resist authority. It’s part of their personality.
-
In other children, opposition has been learned by winning. For example, when the parent gives in on discipline or always allow negotiation.
A firm and constant supervision is essential. Then, depending on their age, the application of fair, natural and logical consequences.
4 basic tips
Accompanying the child
Accompanying the child consists in motivating them by proving timely assistance. This avoids having to repeat until faced with confrontation.
“Come with me, I’ll help you tidy up a bit” rather than “Go tidy up”.
This method takes more time for the parent, but it gets around the resistance.
Giving choices
This strategy consists of establishing two choices and sticking to them. It curbs the argument while giving the child fair control.
“Would you rather start with your math or French lessons? ” rather than “Will you please do your homework? ”
“Would you rather have a snack of cucumbers or grapes” rather than “What do you want for a snack?”
Careful! Some rules are non-negotiable. If they can decide on one snack or another, they won’t choose whether or not they can clean themselves or what time they go to bed.
Finally, when the child still tries to negotiate, the choice will be firmly repeated without changing it. Either they choose it, or they will get a consequence.
They don’t want to do their lessons? They will move on to the next step only when their lessons are done. In the meantime, no games, no television, no friends… They refuse their snack choices? Either choose or do without. You’ll wait for the next meal…
Divide a task into several steps
They are discouraged or put off what they don’t like? Breaking down a task into smaller steps will increase the child’s cooperation.
“For example, write down your vocabulary words first and then come show them to me,” rather than “Go do your homework”
Value them and then take the opportunity to give them a treat from time to time (in proportion to the task at hand!). A minute of cuddling, a sticker, a story, a snack, a break outside, etc.
Dedramatize through humor
Sometimes it’s better to turn it into a joke than to fuel avoidable resistance!
“Ah my little rascal! You want to go to dayare naked? Hihihi! Tickles, giligili. Alright, I’ll help you get dressed now,” instead of “No. That’s enough. I told you to get dressed.”
Combine interventions!
There’s nothing to stop you from mixing it up to get your way. Go increasingly. “Come on sweetheart, I’ll help you tidy up…”
They refuse and run away? “Hihihi! If you think you’re going to get away from me! Haha! Come on, let’s go by walking on our hands!”
They still don’t want to? “Well, now you have two choices. You can either clean up with me and everything is fine, or you can refuse and there will be a consequence. No family television time. You’ll have to do your tidying up in the meantime.”
Opposition remains a challenge!
All opposition will not magically disappear. It is with the help of a good educational context that your get a winning formula.
Leave A Comment