Are you exasperated when you see your older one laughing at her little brother crying? There may be room to develop the ability to be empathetic.
What is empathy?
Showing empathy is having the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand the emotions that a situation makes you feel. Empathy is sometimes confused with sympathy, which, on the other hand, is more about feeling the emotions that another person is experiencing. When you are empathetic, you maintain a certain emotional distance. We don’t experience the same emotion as the person concerned, but we fully understand their feelings.
How do you develop empathy in children?
The brains of neurotypical people are programmed from an early age to develop empathy skills. In particular, mirror neurons, responsible for imitation, play an important role in the development of empathy. This is why a very young child may cry or be moved when a child of the same age cries. The activation of mirror neurons explains, in part, why you feel disgusted when you see a face on television that is disgusted, or why you wince when you see someone hurt themselves.
1) Recognize and name emotions: both at home and in others. These are the first steps towards empathy. We shouldn’t hesitate to discuss, question and explain to our child the emotions that you see on a daily basis: at home, in those around you, on television and others. For example: “Oh! Sophie seems really angry!! She has her arms crossed and she’s speaking loudly. Why do you think she’s mad? ”
2) Normalize emotions and show kindness: welcoming our little one’s emotions, even the smallest, is a great way to show them our empathy so that you’ll be a role model for them. For example: “You’re really disappointed that you can’t go outside and play because there is a thunderstorm. I understand that you’re sad. It’s disappointing when you want to do something and can’t.”
3) Comment on and express our empathy in front of the child: when we witness situations affecting people in the street, in a video or other place, we can say out loud what we’re feeling. For example, “Oh no! Poor her! She fell off her bicycle. She must be in pain because she’s crying a lot. ”
What behaviors are expected at what age?
A 2-3 year old can offer comfort to someone who is grieving or injured (giving a kiss, a hug). They act more by imitation rather than real empathy. Their brain is still very poorly developed to have the ability to imagine what the other person is feeling and to show empathy. By the age of 4, they’ll understand more that their own actions can have an impact on others, and can then demonstrate comforting actions accordingly. For example, apologizing after accidentally hurting a friend. From the age of 5, children are able to put themselves in another’s shoes for basic emotions, even if the reality experienced by another is not their own. For example, they can understand and offer comfort to a friend who is afraid of an insect even when they can approach insects without any trouble. From the age of 6, they also know the meaning of illness and death, which leads them to be empathetic to those affected by these life events.
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