Mélanie has 3 children: 12, 9 and 5 years old. There is no denying, it gets very busy in the house at times! If it is not a crisis that is triggered by the refusal to grant something, it is crying or screaming because the 2 youngest bicker. Mélanie is sometimes exhausted. She no longer knows how to keep a temperate climate in the house or how to help her children get better managing their emotions!

Did you know that there are 6 universal emotions?

All over the world, all humans have in common the following 6 emotions: joy, sadness, anger, fear, surprise as well as disgust. When we want to help children understand their emotions, we suggest starting with the first 4 emotions listed. Then we can include surprise and disgust.

The most important thing: normalize emotions and how to express them!

Children must be allowed to experience and express their emotions. Suppressing emotions is really not advisable; be it anger, sadness, fear or joy. Although anger is often the emotion that causes us a lot of concern, experiencing anger is not a bad thing. It is the way of expressing it that must be adequate! The same is true for sadness or fear which can sometimes be expressed in a way that we find excessive.

How to get there?

We start with the most positive emotion: joy! Do all of the following steps several times when the child is happy and receptive. Secondly, it can be used in the context of anger, sadness or fear.


1. Normalize the emotion (eg: “You have the right to be angry because I refused an outing, a toy, etc. and I UNDERSTAND!” Or “I see that you are upset and this ‘is normal.”)


2. Once the emotion has normalized, encourage the child to find the right way to express it (eg: “I’m angry / sad / I’m afraid because …”).


3. Support the child to find a solution in a positive and non-punitive way! Do you remember? He has the right to live his emotion! For anger and sadness, let’s help the child find a solution that will allow him to calm down. You have to be creative and start with the interests of the child! For example, stepping back, listening to music, hitting a pillow, running, etc. For fear, we try to explore the different solutions with him, without doing everything for the child and without trying to comfort him in the extreme. We want the child to learn to calm himself by asking himself certain questions (for example: when I see a spider, I am afraid. What can I do? take it away quietly, I can ask the adult to come and help me put it outside, etc.). Obviously, you have to take into account the child’s age!


4. Ask yourself what do you do as an adult to express and deal with your own anger, grief and fears?


5. Be a role model for the child! Express your anger or sadness verbally (eg “I am angry because you do not listen to my instructions” or “I am sad to have learned that my friend will no longer work with me”) and use your strategies in front of your child. For fear, it is possible to name more benign fears in front of the child. However, it is not recommended to share your anxieties with him because you are a source of comfort for him. Children are real sponges and an anxious parent can significantly increase anxiety in their child.

Above all, be patient and forgiving, it is a long process for everyone to learn to control our emotions! And remember, this is a teaching that will follow him throughout his life.

CRCM Team of specialized educators and psychoeducators

CRCM – Rehabilitation clinic Carolyne Mainville

Website : www.crcm.ca

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