Any parent or person working with children is faced with the need to show some “discipline” to them. Children need a structured environment for healthy growth. Rules and other strategies related to discipline are used to give the child security and teach the right attitudes.
Many people wonder about what intervention strategies they should choose to use with children. Often, with associates, advice and comments from everyone about discipline sound the same: “You’re not tough enough,” “He’s only a child, let him be” and many others. The rules we set up, what we say and don’t say, at home, daycare or school come from our values and may differ from one person to another. However, a framework can help us establish rules that can be understood and respected by children. Thus, when you give a rule to a child, Margo suggests you apply the following principles:
Clarity: Rules must be clear. Depending on the age of the child, don’t put more than 3 items in your rules. The child’s understanding often plays a big role in the implementation of rules. Make sure he understands what you say by using simple sentences.
Constancy: Rules must be constant, in other words, remain the same when similar situations happen. Tell your child the consequences that will happen if they don’t follow a rule and make sure to stick with the same consequence all the time. Thus, the child will know what happens when he doesn’t follow a rule and will be more likely to comply.
Consistency: Rules must be consistent. As adults, we are role models for children. It will be very difficult for them to follow certain rules if adults don’t respect the rules. It has to be the same between both parents: they must adopt similar interventions and support each other through them.
Guiding a child to adulthood is a discipline in itself. This can be challenging, even confronting at times. Remember that you empower for life and perfection doesn’t exist.
Some general tips:
Use the word “I” when a child uses inappropriate behavior towards you, explaining briefly how it makes you feel. Rather than blaming the child by using phrases such as “You’re not nice”, choose “It makes me upset when you behave like that,” “I find it unacceptable because …”. Thus, it will lead the child to develop empathy and the ability to put themselves in another person’s place.
Choose your priorities: at home or school choose 3 to 5 rules that are the most important to you. You can use visuals in the form of drawings or lists, posted in a prominent place. Take time to explain the rules to the children and also show the consequences that will happen if the rules aren’t followed. One consequence could be loss of a privilege or a time out. In every case, some punishment should be given.
Let them fix their mistakes. When something is broken or conflict occurs, it is important to let the child “fix” the error. For example, if your child draws on the wall, make him clean everything up under your supervision. Also, if he says a hurtful comment, encourage him to apologize.
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