From a young age, the word “no” often carries a negative connotation. “NO!” yields a feeling of discomfort, as if we were in the wrong. When children who grow into adulthood become hesitant to saying “no” in varying situations, it can lead to taking on more tasks and responsibilities, and feeling overwhelmed.
Being able to self-reflect and being aware of our own abilities and limitations offers immense reassurance and a sense of control into our own abilities.
Having difficulty saying “no” in the context of a work or school environment, when being asked to take on more and more responsibilities, to doing one more thing that should not take long, often leads to a quick sand situation and sooner rather than later, that reality can become overpowering and overwhelming, thus leading to a sense of loss of control.
The ability to become self-aware of what is possible to do and when, is not innate and comes with practice and with situational experience. Self-induced pressure and self-talk can lead us to rationalise that taking on more tasks will be manageable, often at the expense of one’s mental health, emotional well-being and work-life balance.
Here we share strategies and saying that can help improve your ability to pass on the need to take on more tasks, when now is not the right time.
1 - Self-reflect to improve self-awareness
The first step in recognizing our own abilities and performance is becoming cognizant of what is feasible and possible.
Everyone has the same 24 hours. Rest and self-care are needed to maintain performance and participation in daily activities.
Start by taking account of your responsibilities – your musts – tasks that cannot be missed or avoided.
Continue by self-assessing the tasks that need to be done: these are your to do’s that have imminent priority but that can be shifted in time or slightly postponed.
Pursue your reflection on the wants – these are the activities that you would want to fit in, projects, and meaningful activities. These can become a priority at times, but can also be shifted, reorganized, rescheduled – these can also be the tasks we learn to say “no” to, particularly when our plate is full.
2- Passing on is not always declining
Part of the self-reflection and self-realization is recognizing the time remaining in our 24 hours based on the reality of what we can and cannot accommodate.
From there, accepting that the present time might not be the ideal time to take on a task and therefore, becoming comfortable with passing on adding a new addition.
Sayings such as:
“Thank you for thinking of me for this project, I will have to pass as this is not the right time for me”.
“This sounds very interesting, my plate is full right now”.
“This is a great opportunity, this person would be a great fit”.
“I would love to be engaged. Can we reconnect next month?”
The saying that “there is no one better that knows you but you” is crucial in determining your personal limits and abilities. Executive function skills are the backbone of abilities that allow us to plan, organize and manage our needs and responsibilities, and knowing when and how to decline tasks is an essential component leading to effective executive function abilities.
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