It is not always easy for a parent to spontaneously have ideas about what consequences to give a child who disobeys or adopts inappropriate behavior. Often, the first consequences are cutting out videos or television time as children have a strong interest in them. When the consequences are always the same, they have more impact for some children. Here are some ideas for the development of consequences in order to ensure success and the desired impact:

 Try giving a logical and natural consequence related to the gesture (if the child wrote on the wall, he has to wash it; if he wastes the parent’s time, he loses time as well, if the child steals, he has to return the item). The parent should think of an action contrary to the child’s conduct.
 Quantify the number of consequences given so that they retain their effect. A parent who always threatens or gives too many consequences could try other techniques such as giving positive attention, establish a system of positive reinforcement, providing simple and effective procedures, etc.
 Use a reparation gesture. For example, the child can help out in some way, write a letter of apology, fix what he broke or pay for it, talk about what his insults meant and the impact, etc.
 Adjust the consequence accordingly, depending on the child’s age. (Ex. cut back on the number of minutes, one minute per year of the child’s age.)
 Ensure that the consequence is given in a time appropriate to the child’s understanding (preferably the most immediate possible) and ask yourself whether the length of the consequence is too excessive.
 Many parents want to remove their child from social participation such as sports or going to a friend’s party. I always ask the parents to think about the level of consequences in line with their values (ex. Does the friend deserve not to have your child there for his birthday celebration? Do we show the child that it’s important get involved in a sport and support his team then remove him the hockey game?) The consequence should be child-centered and his fault (he can’t invite his friend for a sleepover, he can’t have ice-cream after the hockey game.)
 Make sure to be uncompromising and consistent with the consequence (ex. if the game console is removed but the child has access to the iPad, the consequence will be less effective). So, for the consequence to have the greatest impact, both parents have to respect what has been heard. It’s possible then for the parent to let the child know about the consequence, take time to step back, and tell the child what the consequence is after reflection. It’s also possible, sometimes, to adjust the consequence, mentioning to the child that, for example, the parent has exaggerated the length of the consequence in the heat of the moment.

 

Martine Dugas, Psychoeducator, martinedugas@live.ca – www.martinedugas.ca